Tired of listening to elitist geeks babble about boring stuff in some jargon you not only don't understand, but is probably immoral, socialistic or just... ... ... stupid? Suspicious of people who constantly laugh at jokes you don't get?

a C.H.U.M.P. rally in Rockford, IL

Do you roll your eyes whenever some shrill, nerdy lesbian on MSNBC "exposes" still more "evidence" of the corruption, racism, homophobia and hypocrisy fueling Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign, secure in the unassailable knowledge that the Liberal MediaLiberal media mogul William Randolph Hearst, whose New York Journal was implicated in the assassination of President William McKinley
is singling Bachmann out because she's a good Christian woman?

But because you're a unique, complex person with superlative taste in shoes; the phenomenon I'm describing may be possessed of a certain je ne sais quoi. Maybe you recently skimmed part of an article in an old copy of Elle in the waiting room at your OB-GYN's office, a piece obviously written by someone with no life, about Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut (a film you and anyone who matters remember as being a excellent cure for insomnia), tossing it aside when it made you ponder (for a second or two) the abhorrent idea that, like Nicole Kidman's character, you are a shallow trophy-wife whose only real responsibilities are to look fabulous at parties thrown by your husband's friends and to teach your daughter all the math she'll ever need to know."...Joe has two dollars fifty and Mike has one dollar seventy-five cents. Joe has how much more money than Mike?"

If you've ever wanted to ban a Kurt Vonnegut novel you've never read from your children's school library, then you are not alone...

Last month, the newly-formed Coalition for a Homeland Under Moe Party (C.H.U.M.P.) held it's first political rally in Rockford, IL. Attended by either "a fuckload of people" or "I lost count after my ninth beer," depending on who you asked, the C.H.U.M.P. gathering featured speeches, yelling, drinking and swearing as well as musical entertainment by a local band from Cherry Valley who "did a smokin' version of 'Snowblind'"Don't you think I know what I'm doing?... Don't tell me that I'm doing it wrong... Youre the one who's really a loser... This is where I feel I belong."
" according to C.H.U.M.P. chairman and keynote speaker Kenny McMahon.

As they elbowed their way to the front of the lines for the portable Wells Fargo ATMs set up onsite near the beer garden, many among the "hordes and hordes of supporters""The great thing about C.H.U.M.P. is that by not going anywhere or doing anything at all, you are already a major supporter." -- Kenny McMahon
of this new and virulent political movement sustained numerous head, eye, ear, nose and throat injuries.

The followers of C.H.U.M.P. elder statesman "Chairman Moe" are incredibly disorganized but singularly focused, energetic and voracious in their efforts to change the political dialogue, perhaps the entire landscape, in ways previous grassroots organizations have failed to do in the past. "We're here to fix the sink," says Curly lookalike Carla Finer, who legally changed her last name "as a little joke, and also as a tribute to the most underrated of the Three Stooges," unbowed by the fact that Fine was actually Larry's surname.